Hi! My name is Bonnie and I have a blog where I write whatever strikes my fancy. I’m a high school English teacher by day, and by night I take to the interwebs to unleash on all of you the absolute insanity that is working with 200+ seventeen year olds. I’m married to a fine ginger man with whom I am expecting our first ginger child in a month. (At least I hope it’s his! Bad joke?) Some of the posts I have most enjoyed writing are about (in no particular order) stupid questions my students ask, love in a snowstorm, making fun of how to articles, losing my dad, common misunderstandings about Mormons and lessons I learned from my lady doctor. You know, love, death and gynos- what else could you ask for from a blog?
I’ve been feeling quite grown up lately. On Monday I will turn 28 and within the next month or so I am going to experience a buttload of life’s biggest “grown up” changes. My husband is settling into a big boy career, we are closing on and moving into our first home, oh, and of course there’s the impending ginger baby which promises to rock our lives in every way possible. (Can a baby be impending? Sounds so ominous!) I am equal parts stoked and terrified to be a mom. For every squeak and giggle over a new crib or adorable onesie there is also a silent scream of terror inside of me for what that baby will do to me, my sleep, my time, my boobies, my nether regions… you get the drift. It’s an exciting time! And a terrifying time!
To be totally honest with you, it scares me to be doing so many grown up things when I don’t feel much like a grown up at all. In many ways I still think I’m the little girl I was at 11- collecting popsicles sticks on the back porch and getting mad at my brother for farting on my head. I swear, I looked down for one second and when I looked up I was an adult. I have figured out a few things along my way that have made the whole growing up thing a lot easier. Some I wish I knew years ago and have only recently caught on to. You probably all have this grown up thing figured out, but in case you don’t, here’s my 28 secrets of growing up… you know, things that make the whole transition into adulthood a little less bumpy.
1. If you don’t have time to take a shower, you can put on deodorant, spray some perfume and spray dry shampoo in your hair. This can work for up to four days. After that you’re just gross.
2. If you don’t have time to wash your clothes, you can run a fabric softener sheet all over them. VOILA! Your clothes smell like they just came out of the dryer.
3. When your house is clean you feel less stressed.
4. Everybody has done something they are less than proud of. Judge lightly. Unless they keep doing it over and over and over. Then you can judge however you feel like.
5. Once you become an adult you can eat whatever you want and nobody gets mad at you, it’s so great! But your body feels like crap when you do that so do it sparingly.
6. Remember people’s birthdays.
7. To be a good conversationalist (or a good friend!) ask questions. Remember what people have told you (i.e. “I’m nervous for a test coming up) and ask them about it next time you see them.
8. Ice cream fixes most problems.
9. Talk slowly when you are in an argument.
10. Don’t make fun of people if they dance funny. It’s just rude.
11. There will always be one cousin/aunt/co-worker/neighbor who offends you. Start expecting it and you won’t feel offended every time. Or better yet, tell yourself everytime they say something rude you get to buy a new pair of shoes. You’ll start looking forward to the insults!
12. Exercise can suck while you’re doing it, but it feels good after.
13. Nobody’s life is really like the movies.
14. Plans change. That’s okay. Abandon that which no longer serves you. Be willing to be flexible and see other paths than the one you originally planned on.
15. If you can’t remember somebody’s name just ask them. And then think about their name for seven seconds after they tell it to you. You won’t forget again.
16. If you don’t do the dishes tonight, they’re still there tomorrow. They don’t do themselves.
17. People like you if you like them. Act happy when you see people.
18. Everybody vomits at some point in their life. It’s to keep us humble and totally grossed out by the food that we eat.
19. People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think. (Stolen from The Happiness Project.)
20. If you don’t feel like cooking because you are stressed and overwhelmed, pizzas are only $10.
21. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Stop expecting “payment” and you’ll stop being disappointed. Treat everything as a “bonus”. It makes you a much more grateful person. (When I complained in high school that everyone else got to drive a car to school but me, my dad would always say, “Driving a car is a privilege, not a right.” I hated that saying at the time, but now I love it. I think that same attitude should carry over into almost every facet of our lives.)
22. If you don’t take the garbage out it will smell. Inevitably.
23. Don’t invest too much time, energy, and passion into things you have no absolutely no control over. Like professional sports teams or how tall you are.
24. If you can do something in less than 60 seconds, do it now and not later. This means hanging up your shirt, returning a text, loading your plate.
25. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
26. Don’t flake on people. If you make plans, stick to them. You can cancel/ rearrange once, and after that it’s just rude.
27. Put good energy out into the world and it will somehow find its way back to you.
28. If someone is successful, it does not mean that you will consequently be less successful. There is enough in the world for everyone. There are enough new cars to buy, enough houses to move into, enough husbands to nab, enough babies to love and cuddle. I have found that the happier I am for other people’s successes and opportunities, the more successes and opportunities of my own I have.
That’s a wrap! Make sure to come say hi at Life of Bon and share your secrets of growing up with me. Or, if you like to get into online relationships slowly, you can always find me on twitter or instagram!