Living in Yellow

Dear Me,

Sometimes funks happen. You can’t see them coming on, you don’t always know exactly what triggered it or how long it’s going to last, but they happen. Occasionally [okay, often] they can be PMS induced and other times it can as simple as the change of the seasons that throws your body and mind into one giant hot mess express. It’s in these funks that you’ll start to question everything, starting with the ever so popular questions of “am I happy? do I have any idea what I’m doing? or why I’m doing it?” and suddenly the stream of lies will follow “you aren’t good enough. you don’t deserve to have this, that or the other. you’re weak,  you’re incapable and you should quit.”

It’s in these times that you’ll try and seek answers to all of the above, most of which you’ll never actually find [it turns out it’s hard to find answers to lies], but I promise that in these times there will be moments of strength, clarity and if you tweak your attitude ever so slightly, you may just be reminded of why you are capable, why you are strong, and you’ll come out even more assured of why you’re doing what you’re doing more than you were before. It’s in that one small tweak of the attitude where all of the magic happens.

XO,

Me

The past few weeks I’ve found myself in this awkward, uncomfortable place. If you’ve followed along for an extended period of time, you’ve most likely heard me open up about my history with anxiety and panic attacks. It’s funny how the internet has a way of making it appear that everybody is thriving in life while you’re quietly snuggled up on your couch alone scarfing down a bag of popcorn and Diet Coke wondering when you’ll feel as sure about your life as everybody else appears to.

Here’s the deal – I don’t think any of us ever really know what we’re doing. And that’s okay. Some periods of life will feel like survival mode, but usually right around the corner are those sweet moments of harmony, where everything just feels right and it’s good. Really good. Without the moments of cluelessness, self-doubt and struggles, we wouldn’t be able to recognize the days, weeks, months and years where we’re actually shining in our full potential. We all have it within us, it’s there, I promise.

Whether today you feel like you are surviving or thriving, I challenge you to find a little bit of that sparkle within. For some it’s within fingertip distance and for others [me] it may feel like you’re digging a hole to China to find it, but the journey could be just the one you needed to go on.