We all do it. We start off on Facebook, Instagram or your mom’s LinkedIn account and that’s when it happens – we get distracted by an ad, a photo of two dogs laying on a cute fluffy bed, or a post of somebody wearing fifteen layers while standing in the middle of a pumpkin patch drinking a Grande Mocha skinny frappucino with double whip, caramel syrup, a little bit of cinnamon and fifteen cherries on top and we think, “oh my gosh, I must have that too!” So what do we do – we click. And we keep clicking. And forty-seven clicks later we have three carts full to the brim with a cumulative total of 928 dollars and 17 cents. I blame your mom’s LinkedIn account.

While we’ve all been there, it’s most likely safe to say that we’ve all experienced the random thoughts that also cross through our minds during this journey. Today, I’d like to take you on mine…

1. So this is what we call fashion these days, huh? I don’t get it – are people passing by supposed to squeeze the poms, rub the poms or simply look at the poms? That’s a lot of poms.
2. I wonder how you sit when wearing cropped tops? Is there a certain amount of rolls that are allowed to pop over the pants or is it just a free for all?
3. Hold on. Do people who wear cropped tops eat?
4. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight. Chicken wings sound good.
5. OH MY GOSH AN INSTANT POT! I READ SOMEWHERE I NEED AN INSTANT POT!
6. It sounds like you still have to make dinner if you buy an instant pot. It’s not takeout. Not interested.
7. I wonder what’s on sale at Nordstrom today?
8. Wait. Can you see that girl’s nipple through that shirt? I wish mine looked like that.
9. So bodysuits are a thing apparently.
10. I wonder if “things” get caught when snapping it back closed after peeing ever?
11. I should probably call and get a pap smear.
12. OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THOSE BOOTIES! YES! THOSE ARE WHAT I NEED AND THEN I’LL BE HAPPY!
13. I’ll tell my husband it’s an early Christmas gift from him. That should make the bill less painful.
14. Did I pay my credit card last month?
15. I think I need a new rug at the front door. I definitely need a new rug at the front door.
16. Target, should I go to Target right now? That would require showering. I don’t need a new rug.
17. New email! WHAT. EVERYTHING IS 40% OFF AT LOFT? THAT IS SO WEIRD. I’VE LITERALLY BEEN NEEDING EVERYTHING FROM THERE AND NOW IT’S ON SALE!
18. Do you think the rest of the world thinks I am working right now? Should I be working right now?
19. I wonder what people are doing on Instagram right now.
20. Swipe up! Okay, I’ll swipe.
21. OMG Kate Spade sells PLATES? I would make dinner if I had Kate Spade plates.
22. Crap. The laundry needs started. Just one more website.
23. I wonder if I wore more bell sleeves I would morph into a bird that could fly? I’ve always wanted to fly. That reminds me..
24. Luggage, I need new luggage. Probably that kind with the cute patterns and USB ports. I’ve seen 18 bloggers pose with this one at the airport, I’ll check it out.
25. $1,500 DOLLARS?!??!?!??!?!?!? Is blogging actually short for “selling cocaine”!??!?!?! I’ll stick to my Mickey Mouse roller bag from 1982.
26. I wonder if Disney is selling any discounted tickets right now? I’ll check.
27. Wait. Speaking of 1982, I wouldn’t mind checking to see if any acid wash skinnies are in stock anywhere. I’ve heard those are a thing again. I wish those shirts that you would blow on and they would change colors would come back in style. Long live Hypercolor.
28. Is that a wrinkle on my eyelid I feel right now? I probably need $800 eye cream. I wonder if anybody that I am friends with on Facebook sells anything that could help?
29. Crap. Every friend on Facebook sells it. I’ll stick to Botox.
30. I wonder if Ellen is on anytime soon? She’ll convince me I don’t need Botox. I do need new underwear though now that I think about it.
31. Psych. New underwear means more laundry. I wish that sound on the dryer would shut up already.
32. In all seriousness though I do need to start working out. I should probably buy a few pair of leggings and one of those cute tops that tells the world “I workout” with those fun sayings like GYM and TONIC.
33. Is it too early for vodka?
34. Do I even have cups in this house to drink out of?
35. Pottery Barn. They will have cups I could drink out of.
36. Look! Christmas Trees and all sorts of shiny balls! Should I be setting up my Christmas Tree today? I know it’s not even Halloween yet but if I have my tree up it will remind me to start shopping for gifts before December 24th! I must set the tree up today.
37. I need vodka.
38. Pinterest will show me how to set-up a Christmas tree.
39. Pinterest just told me I suck.
40. Can somebody bring me those chicken wings already or what?
41. Thigh high boots. I think I need a pair. It will distract people from my wrinkly eyelids.
42. Was I supposed to accomplish anything today? Good, didn’t think so. It’s free shipping day at TJ Maxx.
43. Evening gowns? People wear these still? For what? My couch never told me I had to be dressed up on all of those Friday and Saturday nights.
44. Do you think Amazon will actually take over the world? I should stock up on canned goods if so. AmazonFresh, I’m coming for you.
45. SHUT UP LAUNDRY, I AM BUSSSSSSSSSY.
46. I think I need 12 new cardigans. In case I don’t like the first 11 or in case I do like the first 11, I need an even number.
47. Certainly, last year’s jeans don’t fit, right? I wonder if I should order a new pair, or three? One pair a size or two less than what I am currently because obviously, I’ll lose weight after the holidays, one pair a size or two bigger than where I am currently just on the off chance that my game plan for losing weight backfires and three, a pair that will probably maybe fit.
48. Nevermind. I’m sticking to leggings.
49. Is it honestly almost 5:00 pm? Was I supposed to do something today? I wonder what my grandpa will think about my thigh high boots?
50. Vodka please.
51. Today was expensive. Crap. I never actually started the laundry.