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What I Learned From A Kids Birthday Party

March 9, 2015


Erin Schrader

This weekend we celebrated my niece’s birthdays – one is turning five while the other is turning three. Huge milestones in their lives if you ask them. Considering the five year old kissed a boy this week, I guess things are getting serious around here. Apparently she didn’t believe the whole “you’ll get sick if you kiss a boy” talk that happened the evening when her parents found out as she married a different dude the next day at school. If you got it, you got it I guess. Lets hope that little boy had some dollar bills in his piggy bank because homegirl is expensive to keep around. 
It turns out that partying with a handful of kids will teach you a few things about life. Here is what I learned. 
1. Kids expect to be the center of attention at all times. If they aren’t, they will scream. It will remind you a lot of high school and then your 20’s, your 30’s, and really life forever. Basically we are who we were when we were 5.  
2. Put Frozen on anything and they want it. Coloring books, tattoos, dresses, barf bags, if it has Anna and Elsa on it consider it sold. 
3. Watching your little nieces adore their mother (who also happens to be your sister) is the most beautiful thing. Especially when that sister of yours has had a very difficult week yet selfishly threw such a great party for her little ones. It will make your heart huge for that sister of yours regardless of how many times she bossed you around in your younger years. 
4. Men love kids birthday parties. 
5. The kids will receive tons and tons of presents. What will they play with? The toys that they have had sitting around forever. Come Christmas time I’ve decided I am going to ambush my sister’s house a month before, wrap up 28% of their crap much needed toys and give it back to them. I expect I will hear several “OH MY GOSH I ALWAYS WANTED THAT!!!” 
6. Everybody will want to eat Anna’s head and if they don’t get to, it will be ugly. “BUT I WANTED TO EAT ANNA!” will be heard coming loudly from several individual’s mouths. It will make you question where we as people went wrong in life. 
7. There will be other children there. Children with bright blue eyes and yellow onesies that will make you think for a split second that you want children of your own. And then, right when you think you have convinced yourself that you do — they go and spit up all over your cute outfit. 
8. Men start to like kid’s birthday parties when given a beer. And when forced to smile. 
9. Jelly Belly’s make for an excellent gift when trying to stick the parents with a hefty dentist bill. You’re welcome for that one. 
10. Painting will sound like a logical thing to do. 
And then your niece will start trying to drink the water (or smoke a pipe, whatever) and things will go downhill quickly. Have you ever water colored while high? Exactly. Just quit while you are ahead.
11. The kid-less adults will sit back, relax, and try to act like they know what they are supposed to do while 5 children run around stamping people’s hair with glitter and sing “HEY HANS, YOU’RE SO FINE, YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND, HEY HANS!”. 
Okay fine. I was the instigator of the hair glitter stamping and the song. 
12. Make them feel like a princess and they will feel like they are on top of the world. Again, absolutely nothing changes from 3 to 30. 

13. Wear clothing that is not dry clean only. See number 7 above. Layers are always a good idea in the event of throw up, poop, or when a kale/melon juice squirts out at you. Make sure your earrings are long enough to provide entertainment to a bored 8 month old but sturdy enough to withhold their grip. What you wear will make or break your party experience. Thankfully, mine was made.

shirt:: Gap // jeans :: zara // earrings :: Elena V Jewels –  use code YELLOW for 15% off 
[how gorgeous is all of her handmade jewelry? I haven’t taken these earrings off since I received them]
And that concludes today’s lesson on kid’s birthday parties. I’m off to wash the glitter out of my hair and the paint off my hands. 

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