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Valentines Day Makes Me A Hot Sweaty Mess

February 16, 2012


Erin Schrader

It’s true.
I was a hot mess yesterday.
Before you go getting all “Ewww gross, I don’t want to think about that” on me—
hear me out.
It’s because I worked out people.
As in ran on the treadmill in what seemed to be 80 degrees at waaaaay too intense of an incline.
Whoa, I know.
So I had something really funny written here.
We are talking funnnnnnyyy.
And my husband deleted it.
Now would be the appropriate time to throw eggs at your computer screen.

Sticking with the tradition from Thanksgiving, I am going to list a few lessons learned.
Only this time–Valentines Day style.

1.    You ever want to feel like one of those

“Crafty, Thoughtful, I Can Do Anything And Make It Look Good” kind of people?
Do the following:
Buy a box of brownie mix.
Add in peanut butter chips.
 And then write I Love You on them.
You just became one of those people.
I made these for both my lover and my niece.
Apparently she liked them because when her mother took them away, this is what happened.
 Cry baby.

2.    Want to continue the feeling of being one of those awesome superstars that you know deep down really isn’t you?
Decorate your husband’s card with Laffy Taffy.
I know you guys, I know.
I way outdid myself on that one.

3.    Speaking of cards—be with somebody who makes you laugh.
Like laughs hard.
It will make the receiving of this card a lot less offensive and just downright funny.
Don’t worry—there were plenty of sweet words on the other side 😉

4.    Valentines Day equals Romance.
Which also means you should take pictures of yourself kissing the camera because that’s obviously a normal thing to do and all.

Except here’s the deal.
If you kiss the camera and you end up looking like a duck or a cow, stop taking pictures of yourself.
It’s embarrassing.
Lesson learned.

5.    Go to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. Just do it. Best Decision Ever.

6.    When you are at Chick-Fil-A and they have a giant cow roaming around—
demand that you get your picture taken with it IMMEDIATELY.
This is what I tried to do but the rest of my company said “Oh lets just wait til after we eat…”
So we waited. And the entire time my insides were squirming with excitement.
Well what do you know—we are done eating and that stupid cow was nowhere to be found.
Which brings me to my next point.

7.    When asking the hostess where that cow wandered off to, don’t ask
“Is the chicken still around?!”
You will get a response like “Chicken?!?” And then you will have to say
“Yeah the giant chicken that is walking around taking pictures with people…
I really wanted my picture with him!”
which will then result in the hostess saying
“Its not a chicken. It is a cow. But no, the cow is no longer here…”
Cow, Chicken, whatever.
They all live on a farm.
Get sad here.

Really really sad because you just missed out on your once in a lifetime opportunity to take a picture with a giant cow.
Or chicken.
Whatever you call it.

8.    Demand that you must take pictures in front of the Chick-Fil-A sign because you missed out on your farm animal.
9.    Stay out there long enough because..{this is where it gets good} that same hostess will come running out after you saying “THE COW IS BACK!!”
10.  Take pictures with the cow.

11.  After dinner–come home.
Remember how I had something funny up top?
Welp, there was something very humorous here as well.
Darn husbands.
They take all the fun out of funny.

12.  End the night with Sophia Grace & Rosie.

You will have never laughed harder with your Valentine.
{especially at the 3:15 mark}

Yes, it is my life mission to adopt these girls.

13.  Somewhere between all of the above—blog about your husband’s poor history with Valentines gifts. Because, maybe—just maybe he will come to his senses and surprise you with something good.
Say for instance, a new desk. For your soon to be new office.

Well done husband.
Well well done.

…And there you have it folks.
13 simple, yet highly effective ways to make your Valentines the best one yet.

Til next time.

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