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Awkward & Awesome Thursday-Volume 7

March 17, 2011


Erin Schrader

-Putting on deodorant while driving. There is no easy way to do this without people noticing. And when they do notice you, they look at you like you must be the smelliest person alive.  I promise I won’t do that to you. In fact, I will give you a thumbs up for smelling good 🙂
-My recent problems with saliva. The other night I was conversing with Shawn while drinking out of a water bottle. I kept moving the water bottle further and further away from my mouth and Shawn had the strangest look on his face the whole time. Turns out there was a string of saliva attached to the bottle that continued to get longer with every inch I moved.  Please don’t be jealous of my attractive charming qualities folks. Its just a natural gift.
Second saliva mishap happened yesterday, I was on a nice run on my lunch and decided I had way too much saliva hanging out in my mouth, causing me to spit. I am not good at this and strings of spit/saliva got stuck to my jacket and hands. Gross. And I had to wipe it on the grass/dirt causing all sorts of things to be stuck to my hands for the remainder of the run. Running while trying to wave your hand fast enough to get dirt clumps to fall off is not easy. Just fyi.
Honestly, I am a clean person.
-The darn tanning bed crashing down every time I try to open it to get out. I am shocked nobody has rushed to my door and yelled to make sure I was still alive. I manage to freak out every stinkin time too like I don’t know that it is about to happen.
-The fact that I just admitted I go tanning. One of those bad habits you want to keep a secret when in reality makes no sense at all since your skin changes colors by this bad habit. Saying “No I don’t go tanning, I am just normally burnt during the winter months..” Doesn’t work.
-People calling me Sharon or Anne. Probably more awkward though how I never correct them when this happens. How embarrassing is it going to be when they find out my real name? Not only for them, but for myself as well. “Oh you were calling me Sharon??!! I totally thought you were saying Erin the whole time, weird..”
 I apparently love setting myself up for awkward moments.
-This little secret of mine: I was deathly afraid of tampons until my senior year of High School. Laugh it up. I am weird. And a hypochondriac. I was so sure that if I wore them, I would get Toxic Shock Syndrome. Thankfully I got over this fear by accidently leaving in the same tampon for 48 hours straight and realizing I lived thru it all. Phew.
-Shopping in Victoria’s Secret this past weekend and waiting in a long line to try on workout pants. I had this Italian handsome man standing in front of me with his girlfriend (He had nothing on you hunny ;)) and the woman working started asking yelling at each person in line for their bra size to write down on a card. She gets to me, I say it, and she responds with “34 WHAT?!?!” So after repeating the answer, she informs me that “Your scarf hides it well.”
Oh cool, thanks.
And thanks Victoria for no longer keeping anything of mine a secret.
-Running up the escalator proudly at our local mall, like I am some sort of master escalator runner..and tripping, causing myself to fall up the escalator. I didn’t even turn around to see if others were behind me. I could just feel their laughter in my bones.
-Jumping in Shawn’s car yesterday and instantly yelling “ITS RAINING, ITS POURING, ITS CATS & DOGS OUTSIDE!!!” After receiving no response from him, I turn and notice-he is on the phone. Umm sorry caller, don’t mind the crazy insane rain loving wife this man has that you are speaking to.
I giggled the whole rest of the car ride home.
-Overhearing a conversation some coworkers of mine are having with my male boss. One of them starts to say “It is better than..” and I pop up from my cubicle and spell out “S-E-X?!?”
 Nope, wrong answer Erin.
 All I received was blank, confused, I can’t believe you just said that stares. Best part of all? The day prior we had been through a sexual harassment training session.
Nice work E. Lawsuit waiting to happen? Yes.
-My kitchen being garnished with fresh flowers. Yellow ones to boot. And having a new vase I just bought to put these flowers in. Except this is their current state:
Regardless, they are beauties underneath, I am just sure of it.
-Saved by the Bell. This doesn’t even need an explanation. I wish we had shows this awesome around now. I honestly hurt for the children of the next generation who won’t get to experience the goofiness of Screech and Zack’s smokin good looks.  Quality TV at its finest. Forever and always SBTB will be in my heart =)
-Hearing all about a friend’s new crush. I love the excitement, the unknowns, and the possibilities. Oh to have a new crush again. Joke. I am already crushin’ on somebody and am pretty convinced he is a good catch 😉 I hope he feels the same. Hehehe.
My crush. Forver and always 🙂
-Getting in an ab workout from a hysterical, tears rolling down your face, hitting the ground, laugh session. I had three of these this past week. Laughing so hard I could not speak. If you use Picasa/Picnik please use the goofify feature, on your friends faces at that. I wish I could post the pictures that husband and I edited. We are easily entertained. I guess this is what you spend your evenings doing when you don’t have children?
-Mariachi bands. I don’t really know why this popped into my head but it did. And I think they are pretty awesome (except when they get really close and serenade you and your spouse for an extended amount of time, then it can get a little awkward).  I realize it is St. Pattys day, but I think I want to have a Mexican fiesta instead. With a mariachi band of course. I wonder if you can hire these out for house parties?
-Strolling the aisles of Target picking up some necessities that husband and I needed and finding coupons laying smack dab under the products-for the products. Does that make sense? Thank you mystery coupon layer. You are my hero and our pocketbook thanks you.
 I say that and don’t even know what a true pocketbook is. Silly me.
-Spying on Shawn when he reads my blog in the morning after I post it. Watching him shake his head, and saying under his breath “Oh no…” assures me that my material is truly off the wall. Just the way I like it 🙂
-The response “Bend over and I’ll show ya” when asked where something is.
Especially awesome when used on your father. The puzzled look and ignored response is
hill-rat hilarious. This may be awkward to some of you, but really..it is awesome.
I would recommend using it on any individual.
-Winning a $10 Panera gift card just for answering a question at work. That $10 is the most exciting thing that has happened to me since sliced bread. Sorta. If only I was rewarded for every question that I had to answer in this life..
-Girls that have took my advice and started writing their own Awkward & Awesome posts.
Please check them out:
Here, Here, Here, oh and Here.
We may be an awkward bunch, but at least we are awesome. Follow our lead and do it yourself. My jumping may even turn into spinning in circles.
Doubt it though, my stomach doesn’t appreciate spinning very much.

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