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Cocktail Wieners, Stuffed “V’s, and Other Dirty Things

April 1, 2014

By:

Erin Schrader

Well it turns out I found myself at a “romance” party last night.
It also turns out that I laughed more in those five short hours harder than I have ever laughed before because I have this problem called “immaturity”.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever had a stuffed vajayjay in your face, cocktail wieners for dinner, a corksicle in your wine, and a vibrator demonstrated on your neck all in the same evening, but if you haven’t, I highly recommend all of the above.

If that wasn’t awesome enough, the women conducting this romance party had AN ENTIRE TRAILER with all of her goodies. Step up your game Pampered Chef, pimped out trailers are where it’s at. It is also great for drug smuggling and other things I would imagine. Not that I have ever smuggled drugs in the back of a trailer but if I had, I can imagine it would go down something like that.
In other news, the #1800MinuteChallenge starts today which means in approximately 27 minutes I will be hating my life as I attempt to run the entire mile around my neighborhood. How is it that as a kid you could run 27 miles a day without even realizing you are running at all but once you hit the age of 27 you take four more steps than you did the previous day and your legs can feel it for a week? If you haven’t signed up but are still interested, you can do so here [ignore my remark about hating my life and pretend for a second that working out is fun]. A complete tracking spreadsheet will be sent your way asap. Also, while on the subject of this challenge can I just mention how awesome it is that over 900 of you have signed up already?! Helllllllllllo swimsuit bodies….
If you are looking for a way to get the most out of your 30 minutes a day working out, may I suggest all of these Jillian Michaels DVDS

my favorites are this // this // this // and this 

They are my go-to time and time again. I mean sure, you may consider cutting your losses and ending your life halfway through but I promise you it’s worth it to stick it out to the end. #thatswhatshesaid
And on that note, I am off to subtract the first 30. Pounds that is.
But seriously, go to a “romance” party with your friends stat. You haven’t lived fully until you have.
Disclaimer: I understand that if you are my parents or some other relation to me this may be an awkward thing to think about. Keep in mind that there were plenty of “normal” items to purchase, such as men’s shaving cream and pomegranate body spray. For the sake of your sanity, let’s just say my body spray stock is now plenty replenished.

share this with your best girlfriends:

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