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Things I’ll Never Understand

November 6, 2013


Erin Schrader


Why men take on the assumption that NOTHING needs to be put away. Like nothing. Ever

How people leave Target only purchasing what they originally intended to purchase.

People who don’t put limes in their beer.


Bloggers. Top knots, chambray, red lipstick, colored tights, selfies. Everything about us is weird.

People who choose not to dance when there is a dance floor at their disposal.

Stop signs in neighborhoods. I still consider them “optional”. 

Hose. Not to be confused with hoes. Because I totally understand those. 


When I ask people if they love mac and cheese and they respond with “It’s okay”. IT’S MACARONI AND CHEESE YOU IDIOTS. IT’S MORE THAN OKAY. 

Why my pants don’t button anymore. 

Dusting in places that never get seen. 

Listening to music quietly.

People who say words in their entirety. Abbreviations were created for a reason, use them. Totes duh.

How I lived before Blogstomp

Mean people.

Why Brad Pitt chose Angelina over Jennifer. IT’S JENNIFER ANISTON YOU IDIOT. 

Tags that read “hand wash only”. People actually do that? 

People who remember everybody else’s name. Don’t these people have anything else to think about? Like when the next season of The Bachelor starts…

People who don’t watch The Bachelor. 

Underwear? Panties? Private Part Covers? I don’t know what women are supposed to call them.

Indiana weather and why I live here.

Why yoga pants aren’t considered “work appropriate”.

Why Giuliana Rancic hasn’t asked me to move in with her and Bill yet.

How people just assume you want children. Like it’s not a life altering decision or anything. 

Why men don’t look like death without makeup but women…another story.

When it is appropriate to end a blog post. I’m going to go ahead and select “now”. 

Tell me–what is one thing you’ll never understand…

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