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Let’s Talk About Those Secrets.

November 19, 2012


Erin Schrader

The time has finally come for my recap to that one secrets post that hit these blog parts a couple weeks ago. You may remember it.
I know I took awhile to write this, but there was good intention behind that decision. 
My thoughts on that particular post/comments have been every bit of all over the place.
I wanted to make sure that I had carefully thought through what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (although believe me, there is still much hesitation).
For starters let me say a few things….I knew that opening up my blog to people leave comments anonymously was a risk. I did not have control over what others would say and I knew that it could very easily go in a direction that I did not want it to (ie: bashing other individuals, blogs, races, etc).
As you may have noticed, a few times it did go in that direction. Fortunately while I did open the right to post anonymous comments, I still maintained the right to delete anonymous comments (which yes, I did exercise my right a time or two).  But, I will say…out of 800+ comments, I think we can collectively say there was a lot of humor, a lot of hurt, and a whole lot of real.
I would love to break down a few topics that came up, so allow me if you will….
**Warning: This post is likely to be very very long. Proceed at your own caution.**
1. We are going to start with the funny ones (my personal favorite). To put it nicely, a lot of you people have shat your pants. Or let out a few turds in the bathtub. Some of you have went in boxes, thrown it under your bed, and heck..some of you have had to pull over while driving and have your significant other come meet you to clean yourself up. Now you may not think this is funny, however I find it to be hilarious. Thank you for the tears rolling down my face and poop induced text messages between friends and I. You most definitely proved that as mature as I ever think I am, I am not. That is funny crap. Pun intended. One final thing on this front—they do sell pills to help with this. I think they read “Anti-Diarrhea” and are only a few dollars at a drug store near you. Some of you may want to consider investing 😉


2. Sex. A lot of you don’t like it. All I am going to say about this one is that there were quite a few recommendations on what to try tucked away in those comments 😉 Good luck.

3. Racism/Prejudices. It still exists. Here is my deal with some of the comments that were left…the use of the words “all/any”. It does not matter if it was in regards to whites, blacks, Asians, atheists, Christians, republicans, democrats….saying something like “I hate ALL ______” is ignorant and absurd (to put it nicely). We are individuals. The quickest way to demoralize any argument you are making, is to use vague and general terms. Just remember when you make such comments you are including innocent babies who know no wrong, the elderly who are alone, and in all cases–somebody who needs love just as much as you do.
In addition to, I especially appreciated those of you who accused me of writing such things.
The only way I know how to respond to that is to a. say “no I didn’t” and b. share with you a song from one of me and my husbands favorite artists. It’s worth a listen.

Our heart should be for people, not races, not groups, not religions, not political parties, not appearances, but people. Plain and simple. Forever and ever. Amen.

4. Speaking of amen, quite a few of you are turned off by Christian blogs (or in this case, a Christian who writes a blog). The only thing I know on this subject is that each blog is individually owned and operated. I hope that each of you who write, stay true to who you are. I would rather have 10 followers who read my blog because they genuinely know who I am, than 3,000 followers who have a false impression of who they believe me to be. So who am I? I am a Christian (a selfish, hypocritical, sinning, redeemed by Grace and love the Lord with all of my heart, Christian).
I happen to be drinking a rum and diet as we speak. I am a lover, an optimist, I laugh at immature things, loves to see the best in everything/everybody, a huge complimenter of others, and lover of life. I want to do more good than harm. Oh, I write a blog AND take self portraits occasionally on Instagram. So there you have it. If any of that turns you off so much that you need to hightail it outta here, please feel free. Just do not expect me to change because of it.


5. Along those lines, one thing I did not learn until that secrets post is that blogs inflect physical pain on people. It’s true. It was said that this very blog you are reading has brought people to tears because of how boring it is! Not only that but one person cringes every time they read it. Ouch. I am going to take the liberty of liberating those of you who left those comments right now. You have the power to change it! Yes, YOU have the power to change what you don’t like. No more tears, no more cringing, just stop showing up! There’s some sweet wisdom for your soul today. You’re welcome. On that same note–a word to other bloggers (or people in general really) on negativity: You will always have it. One thing that I have learned is that if I put a lot of mental energy into those negative comments what does that say to all of those who have poured love into me? It doesn’t really say that you value the positive all that much does it? Soak yourself in goodness. You will be much better off, believe me. Oh crap, one last thing. I do not ask that you like me, but I do ask that you respect me. I think every person is worthy of respect, don’t you? Ask for it.

6. The sad comments. The ones that were full of loneliness, hurt, anger, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I have one thing to say on this. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE ANONYMOUS ANY LONGER. Just don’t. Seek help. Tell a friend, a family member, a professional counselor, etc.
You are worth it. This life is not always beautiful but it is worth living. We need you. Please open your mouth (your heart, your mind) and get help. Push pride aside and remember you are not alone.

7. Last but not least, I think a general concensus from people who read//commented was “Why are we only seeing these “real” parts of peoples lives behind closed doors?” “Blogging shouldn’t be all fairytales and rainbows” “We all need to open up more”. Here are my two cents on this one: Yes, we do need to be a little more “real” on our blogs, but within reason. I want my blog to be a positive place for people to land. With that being said though, I want to be vulnerable and open. However, please keep in mind that a lot (and I mean a lot) of those anonymous comments did not involve only the person writing. They affected spouses, family members, friends, signifcant others, etc. It is not our right to share other peoples stories. This is why I believe we don’t see a lot of what comments we read, on blogs. Not many husbands are going to want their wife writing they don’t have a good sex life. Having a good story to post is not worth risking the relationship of those closest to you. So yes, while I believe we shouldn’t make blogging all fairytales and rainbows, I do think we need to respect those closest to us in our writing.

Okay, so there we have it. Congratulations if you made it all the way through. What are your thoughts? Agree//disagree//agree to disagree on any of the above? Feel free to leave it below.
Except this time, anonymous is no longer an option. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s time to resume back to our normal identity.

ps. A few of you have asked about the results my blog saw from that one post. I will say it sure as heck beat any paid sponsorship I’ve done before. It also is now my highest viewed post (about 5,000 page views higher than the couple of posts that miss Giuliana had tweeted about to over 2.5 million followers, proving the power of bloggers is larger than that of celebs ;)..)   One lesson that can be taken away (in addition to the above) is that blogging is just like any other venture in life. Some of the biggest risks lead to the biggest rewards. Or in this case, leads to a whole lot of juicy secrets that are now cemented into my brain. Be wise with your choices but don’t be afraid to do something out of the box every now and again. Growth is going to be very challenging (if any aspect of life) if you don’t.
and if you are in the mood for something not so heavy:

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