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I Could Eat A Country.

March 9, 2012


Erin Schrader

So I have this quote that came straight out of Lord knows what book that I most certainly love.
It goes a little somethin’ like:
“That walking along and smiling for no reason at all kind of feeling.”
Or something like that.
Regardless, today–that’s me.

It might be because my husband surprised me with Jason Aldean & Luke Bryan concert tickets yesterday.
Or maybe it’s because it reached high 60’s for more than one day in a row this week.

Heck, it could be because I bought 3 pair of heels at Kohls yesterday
 (more on that tomorrow).
You know what.
I’m thinking it’s the fact that I have eaten Jimmy Johns three times in the last 5 days.
Oh crap, that just reminded me of something.
You want to hear what I ate on Wednesday?
I know you don’t.
But, I must share because it is disgusting/fascinating/and a miracle all in one.
It all started with a bacon and cheese bagel from Dunkin Donuts.
From there it went to French toast, sausage, and hash browns for lunch.
And then, an hour after my first lunch I thought “Hey—lets have a second lunch!”
So I ate 3 chicken and cheese tacos.
I then found it necessary to have dessert which consisted of a Dairy Queen dilly bar.
All of this occurred before 2 pm people.
What the !?!?
If that doesn’t scream “I must have a tapeworm” I don’t know what does.
I didn’t just say that.
Nor do I have a tapeworm.
I do however, have a stomach that can hold the entire Country of China if it so decided to.

Anyhow—I think I now realize why I am happy.
It’s gotta because of this girl.
Yes, the one below.
Bonnie is one of my beautiful sponsors for March and I am so excited to bless you with her presence.
This guest post is hilarious.
I would not lie my friends.
See for yourself.

I know what you’re thinking right now.   “Guest post today?  No funny words from Erin?  Well, shoot. Alright, toots, you’ve got exactly seven seconds to impress me before I click out of this site and don’t give you the time of day ever again.”
The pressure is intense, I tell you, it’s intense!
Deep breath.  And here I go.
First things first.  My name is Bonnie.  This is me.
I used to have pink hair before I got a real job.  Now I have a real job.  But I don’t have pink hair. 
You can’t have it all, people.
I’ve been given a lot of nicknames over the course of my life, but the one I prefer is Bon Bon
So if you feel in the nickname-best-bud kind of mood, you can call me Bon.  Or if you feel in a normal mood, you can call me Bonnie.  Whatevs.  The nickname you can not call me is Bonnarrhea
 I do not like that name.
I write over at Life of Bon.  If it weren’t for blogging I would have long been driven to insanity by now.  That’s because I spend my days in the company of punk seventeen year olds.  Mostly I try to teach them how to write thesis statements and how to tell the difference between your and you’re.
  It’s a lot harder than you’d think to get that rule to stick, I tell you. 
Even though those high schoolers can be a bunch of bratty ingrates they have somehow completely stolen my heart.
Ain’t that always the way it is with bratty ingrates?!?!
I’m not exactly sure why I love these teenagers so much. I think it might have to do with the ridiculous things that are always flying out of their mouths at 100 miles an hour.  Because I love Erin and I love her blog I figured I must love her readers by default.  And because I do nice things for the people I love, I have decided to include for your reading entertainment some of my favorite “stupid questions” that my students ask me.
Student: “Mrs. Larsen? What do we do if we can’t find what page we’re on?”
Me: “Uh… find the page you’re on…”
Student, immediately after having received a final test I passed out: “Is this test going to go on our grade?”
Me: “Of course not. Why would I put a final test on your grade?”
Student: “I left my homework at home and can’t hand it in until tomorrow. Does that mean it’s going to be late?”
Me: “Nope. When you hand your work in a day late, I actually count it as early.”
Student, six months after school has been in session: “What time does school get out?”
Me: “Five o’clock.”
Student, referring to a 50-something-year-old male teacher who has walked into the room:
“Is that your husband?”
Me: “Yes. I am married to Mr. Johnson. Which is why this year my last name changed from Blackburn to Larsen.”
Student: “Did we do anything in class yesterday?”
Me: “Nope. We all just sat here and stared at each other.”
Student: “When you were in high school were computers invented yet?”
Me: “I went to high school seven years ago.”
Student: “So were they invented yet?”
Me: “No, not yet. The world was a very primitive place seven years ago. I had to use a type writer for all my assignments. Cars weren’t invented either so I had to walk to school. In the snow. Uphill. Barefoot.
Because shoes also were not yet invented.”
Ah, don’t those little cuties just say the darndest things?!
When I’m not teaching hormonal teenagers, I do my best at being a wife, a gig that is new to me this past year.  I guess you could say I’ve got a small crush on this guy.
Ahem… the one without all the hair…
If you’re wondering why my hubby has got a giant teddy bear on his shoulders, it was an experiment to see if we are ready to have babies. 
We are not.
If you’re wondering why the walls are lime green in our apartment, it’s because I made a terrible, terrible mistake. 
It’s fixed now.
And because I just couldn’t resist, I recently got a new haircut and have therefore spent a lot of time lately flipping my hair around.  
I mean, what else do you do when you get a new haircut besides flip?!?
I figure by now my seven seconds to impress you is long gone. 
Also, the ice cream in the freezer is calling my name. 
So I guess this is adieu. 
 Unless, of course, you hop on over to Life of Bon and say hi, which I strongly encourage you do.  I promise you won’t regret it, and if you do Erin has promised you a box of French chocolates. 
You can’t argue with that now, can you?!
Come on, Erin, just go with it….  You know your cupboards are filled with French chocolates…
Your assumption would be wrong there Bonnie.
As you now know–I’ve eaten everything in our pantry.
 You need to.
Happy Weekend Lovers.

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