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Dear Erin,

March 27, 2012


Erin Schrader

You guys, I have a confession.
I suck at routines.
Today is Dear Erin, and while I honestly enjoy this series, I can’t seem to get in the mood.
It’s the bowl of oatmeal next to me.
It’s so distracting.
I put way too much water into it and it just stares at me all runny and oozy looking.
Dang oatmeal.
Now I know why I eat real food for dinner on most evenings.
My husband is also to blame right now.
He is banging away on the drums in the basement and I secretly wish I was spying on him.
Have I told you ladies yet my husband has a drum set?
He is a rock star.
Be jealous.
So yes, oatmeal and my bangin’ husband are to blame.
I am going to pull through and answer these questions. But I have decided this whole Dear Erin, series is going to be a bi-weekly thing now. Weekly things and I just do not fare well.
Lets do this.

Dear Erin,

I started going to this new gym back in November of last year and everyday I see the same gorgeous guy almost every time I’m there. (We’ll refer to him from here on out as Hot Tamale). Just to give you a point of reference, Hot Tamale’s like the sun, you can’t stare directly at him b/c you’re afraid if you do you’ll go blind. So I’ve been seeing Hot Tamale for months now I’m hesitant to talk to him. I was wondering if you have any tips on how I can approach this guy without my conversation turning into a tragic episode of “The Many Adventures of Awkward McKenzie”?
Drop It Like Its Hot
Dear Drop It Like Its Hot,
Let me start by saying this. 
If he is truly a “Hot Tamale” you should have eaten him by now.
Those things are delicious and you have wasted so many good calories by not devouring him.
Anyhow- you want him to notice you eh’? This is what you do.
For starters, please please wear make-up at the gym. Trying to get a guy to notice you without make-up on is like trying to get a tan at the North Pole. It just ain’t gonna happen.
Getting this beefcake to notice you while he is pumping iron is going to call for drastic measures. Here is what you do.
Drop a dumbbell on your foot, yell, and then fall.
Suggested weight on this is 8-10 pounds. Nothing too heavy, but something serious enough to cause some pain.
And you must do this while he is directly beside you.
If he really is the man of your dreams, he will rush to your aid and the rest is history.
If he doesn’t rush to your aid, go grab the nearest 50 lb weight and drop it on his foot so he can get a taste of what you just endured.
Yep, this is what you need to do.
I look forward to the wedding.
Dear Erin,
Why in the heck do people feel the need to tailgate?  And I mean, tailgate like “do I need to raise the lift to my SUV so you can drive up in there” tailgate. Then they pass you like possessed people and stare at you like they are placing a curse on you and sometimes even make these hand/finger gestures. I mean it seems like so much trouble to go through just to get to the red light first!!! 
Please explain this phenomenon and how to deal with it when it occurs because I just don’t get it.
Move Over Red Rover

Dear Move Over Red Rover,
I could answer this question with one sentence.
Because people are possessed.
But, that would not be my style.
Here is my thought process on tailgating.
If somebody is riding your butt, they either have to go to the bathroom (and I don’t mean number one) or they are trying to beat their husband home so he doesn’t see the credit card bill that just came in the mail.
Both are very valid and legit reasons.
However, they got themselves into the problem so it is not your job to get them out.
It’s not like you spoon fed them that bean burrito for lunch.
Nor did you shop with their credit card.
Although you should have. You can get a lot of stuff for free that way.
In these situations I advise you to do one thing.
Go 10 miles per hour.
I don’t care if you are in a 70 mph speed zone.
You may think you have seen some good hand gestures so far.
Honey, just wait.
Your driving experience just got a lot funnier.
Just smile and wave back.
And then hang up a sign on your back window that says “Crap or get off the road”
Let me know how it works out.
See you in Heaven.


….And that’s a wrap friends.
Email me your Dear Erin, questions for next time at livinginyellow@gmail.com
Did you know I link your question to your blog?
Boo ya.

PS. I just realized I have yet to announce giveaway winners like I said I would last week.
Told you I suck at giveaways.
If your name is Dannie you won $50 shop credit to Happily Ever After.
If your name is Holly you won the FabuLESS Fashions Ring.
If your name is Megan you won the Shepherds Daughter Necklace.
Congrats you lucky little ladies. Emails will be coming your way 🙂

PPS. If you don’t already, you probably should.
Should what?
Follow me on Twitter.
And Facebook.
And perhaps Pinterest.
Just sayin’.

Peace Out Mothers.

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