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How To Dominate Thanksgiving.

November 25, 2011


Erin Schrader

My original plan was to walk you through step by step of our Thanksgiving Day.
And then I realized that would be the most boring blog post known to mankind.
So instead, I figured I would leave you with lessons that I learned from hosting this grand event.
Thankfully, I took 142 pictures throughout the day to accompany my lessons.
Get your big girl panties on for this one.
I’ve got a lot to fill em’ with.

How To Dominate Thanksgiving
{Or What Not To Do}: 
1.    Don’t think you won’t break things.
 You will.
In my case, I was successful enough to shatter 4 items.
The mashed potato bowl, the saucer to the gravy ladle, a drinking glass.
Oh, and a plate. Don’t cry about it. These things are unavoidable. And great photo ops.

2.    Decorate real fancy with plastic plates and bowls. If you add name tags, pumpkins, and candles, people will think they are at a gourmet restaurant. Until they touch their plastic plates.
Then they will quickly be reminded that they are in fact, at their young relatives home.
3.    If you enjoy eating turkey, don’t prepare it. Yanking the neck out of that sucker is not one of life’s finer moments. And it makes your muscles sore the next day.
Who knew those necks really are attached tightly?
4.    Speaking of the turkey, don’t think you can take an appealing picture of it {uncooked}.
You will get something along these lines.
 Do you think it looks like what I think it looks like?
Don’t answer that. This Blog is PG-13.  
5.    Need a place to store that turkey til’ it’s cooked?
Place it in the garage.
 It fits in perfectly with your tools.
You will not be sorry. Oh, and taste test them. Repeatedly.
As in eat three bowls worth. Before serving them to your guests.
7.    In the making of your mashed potatoes, don’t allow hot butter to get on your shirt.
You will have to change outfits.
8.    Have your guests write down what they are thankful for.
 And then bake those thankful little thoughts in crescent rolls.
Greasy baked notes of thankfulness. What could be better?
Have everybody crack open their crescent roll and read aloud what is inside.
It’s fun in a Thanksgiving Day kinda way.

9.    Pull your tank up when having your picture taken with the food.
Nobody needs to see that business. Oops.
10.  If a little girl wants to fly, let her fly.
Don’t however leave her with a buckeye.
Or an uncle who steals hairbows.
11.  Put more food on your plate than your stomach can handle.
It’s the proper thing to do.
12.  Have wine on hand.
Lots and lots of wine.
13.  Also have apple cider garnished with lemons and cinnamon sticks.
Yumm in the tum.
14.  Do take pictures with your husband. Preferably mildly inappropriate pictures.
15.  If your oven is smoking, shut it off.
Unless you prefer to have a house that is chocked full of smoke which will make it so that you can’t breathe or see.
We opted for the second option.
16.  Your house will be messy. Keep in mind that you did all the cooking.
Cleaning is your husband’s job.
17.  Take the day off of work following Thanksgiving. While you sit at work, you will be exhausted but still have a longing desire to be out shopping.
18.  Enjoy it all.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Because in the end it’s the memories that were created that will be cherished forever.

share this with your best girlfriends:

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