This whole quarantine life stuff is weird. It’s like a giant case of PMS that doesn’t end. Somedays I’m feeling great, productive, hopeful that the end is in sight and then other days I don’t want to get out of bed, putting makeup on seems like a joke and I want to stay in all of my feelings of sadness, anxiety or whatever the heck it is. The PMS comment suddenly makes sense, right? Also, it’s snowing right now so you can guess which way I’m feeling today.
I keep telling myself to just enjoy this time. And for the most part, I am. But then what I’ve noticed about myself is that when I have too much “time” my mind goes idle and anxious thoughts like to make their way in. I do not do good with too much quiet time apparently. It’s not helping that I feel like awful things are happening to people in my life personally and also friends I’ve made via the internet. Can’t the Coronavirus be the only piece of bad news right now? Why do other things have to happen amidst this whole unsettling time? The thing that’s wearing on me the most is that these people who are experiencing loss, grief or scary life situations have to do so alone. Isolated. They can’t grieve among others. And it sucks.
This post suddenly feels like a really depressing piece of bad news. Not my intention. But I do think that it’s okay to admit that we’re having days where we feel like it’s hard to stay happy-go-lucky and that we feel real, sucky, hard, raw emotions for what’s going on in the world around us. I keep trying to pray but I don’t even know what I’m praying for right now. It’s hard to understand God’s purpose and plan sometimes. That’s the tricky thing about faith. We choose to believe when we don’t know why or what it is we’re trying to believe. But for me personally, somehow just knowing He’s here and He’s got this and someday maybe it will make sense, it makes me feel better-ish. This too shall pass, yes? And until it does, there are chips and queso to get us through.
Which leads me to my next unrelated point. I was just eating spoiled yogurt. Don’t worry, 3 bites in and I threw it out. Carry on.
So what else is new? I’ve got my coziest belongings on my body which is exciting. What you ask? Well friend, allow me to tell you. This sweater and these leggings topped off with these socks. For those of you living in states such as California, Florida, Arizona, WHEREVER YOU CAN LAY IN A POOL during these times, please count your blessings. And then drink a mojito for me. Actually have 3, I don’t care. I mentioned that it’s snowing outside, right? Okay cool, just making sure we all caught that and simultaneously looked at the calendar just to be sure that it is in fact April 15th. Confirming: it is.
Do you know what’s weird? Over the course of writing this blog post I feel better, a little more positive and hopeful. It’s crazy what simply being honest about your feelings can do to release them. If you haven’t been able to communicate how you’re really doing, call your best friend, your mom, your sister, make your husband listen to you [good luck, I know], just talk to somebody. Before you know it you might find yourself dancing in the kitchen daydreaming about rainbows and puppies [if that’s the case, you really did have the 3 mojitos I recommended].
Well friend, I have a work call I have to tend to so until my next ’bout of “creative writing” aka dumping all of my brain’s chaos all over this screen, make it a good [or maybe just okay, whatever] one. While we may feel wildly distant from each other, we’ve all never been closer in so many ways…