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From Where I Sit…

April 21, 2020


Erin Schrader

This morning I was getting ready for the day and Shawn told me to look through the window at my favorite Willow Tree on our property. The wind was blowing the branches perfectly, the sun was shining making the pond water sparkle like 1,000 diamonds [which reminds me, I still need to get my wedding ring fixed, it’s only been two years] and a fleeting thought ran through my mind in that moment “I want to go sit in front of that willow tree.” Normally, I’d have the thought and quickly forget it thinking about the logistics that go into the desire. For example, it’s 37 degrees right now. It’s windy. Cloud cover is now making the water less sparkly [we’re talking what was once Tiffany diamonds on the water it’s now the cubic stuff you get from the .25 cent machines]. I’d have to get all bundled up in the hopes that I might enjoy it and want to stay outside for more than 5 minutes. What if my WiFi doesn’t work well? I just finished my cup of hot coffee so I won’t even have anything warm to drink out there. BLAH BLAH BLAH. But then something different happened. Instead of giving into all of the mental obstacles [more appropriately we’ll call them excuses] my mind was coming up with, I said “screw it – I’m going out there.”

And so here I am. Sitting with snot running down my face, sunshine that decided to shine brightly on half my face, a wet towel from the grass under my butt, my hands that feel like they might fall off from a sudden onset of frost bite [okay, I might be amping up the dramatics for that one] and feet that can’t appropriately fit into my leather boots thanks to the obnoxiously puffy socks I have on, yet it feels glorious. I love making decisions that don’t make sense sometime. It’s liberating, it feels like freedom [which is huge for my Enneagram 7 heart] and it changes your mental wiring just a tad from “what do I feel like I have to do today” to “what’s the next best thing I want to do today?!” Now don’t get me wrong, responsibilities still exist and we can’t neglect them all, but I do believe we can all afford to live a little more from a place of what feels best to you and not what feels best to the rest of the world. In the minimal times I’ve exercised this practice, I’ve found myself tending to my responsibilities in higher regard. I’m pouring better energy into the things that actually energize me, I feel more aligned with my time and overall more joyful and grateful. I also used a new face moisturizer this morning that smells freaking amazing and has my heart fluttering with every inhale I keep catching in the breeze so you know, those things help too.

I’m not entirely sure where I’m trying to go with this post from here which either is my sign to end and hit publish or dare my fingers to keep going to see what weirdness may pour out of them. Because the snot hasn’t made the full drip yet to the towel, we’ll keep going.

HOLD UP. It just started snowing. This can’t be right. INDIANA IT IS APRIL 21ST WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND. I’m going inside now. Coffee, get ready, it’s your time to shine [again]. Thank you Willow Tree for your lessons this morning, keep doing your thing and I’ll do mine..hopefully next to you a little more often from now on.

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