Oh hi there. I’m not really sure what direction I wanted to take today’s post so I figured why decide? This is the same theory I used last night when trying to choose between french fries and macaroni and cheese and I must say, it worked out wonderfully well. That whole no choosing thing, it’s a gratifying calorific thing people.
My diet starts today [and by that mean I mean today two years from now. May 5, 2018 it’s on]. Instead of choosing what direction to take this post I’m just going to jot down any little snippet that comes to my mind. One minute we might be talking about how I finally took my dog to get her teeth cleaned for the first time since owning her (over 10 years) and the next we might be talking about how my 30th birthday is quickly approaching (July) and I am concerned that I don’t have any celebrations set in stone yet. Two months is not a long period of time to plan something incredible. Bounce house, clown and balloon man on stilts it is.
Oh yeah, it should also be noted that I’m really only writing this blog post right now because I told myself that I had to accomplish something productive before going to Target this morning. The sooner this is over the sooner I’ll be spinning in circles while singing something along the lines of “hallelujah” in the outdoor section looking for new patio furniture pillows. You know what this means right? New hairdryer, mascara, bathing suit, shoes, boxers for Shawn, purse, and colored Goldfish will also be coming out of the store with me. Frickin A. 2018 is also going to be the year for budgeting.
Somebody make sure I’m not here for 2018, sounds like a waste of a year.
What else? I know. So remember the days of being a child when you would complain about being bored all of the time? That was pre-iPad and cell phone days so I completely understand it’s hard to even allow your mind to go back to that time but just try for a second. Okay, well bored – that’s how I felt for the first time in 12 years a few Sundays ago. Now I know why parents preach that idle minds are dangerous minds. So I’m bored as all get out right? Well, I find myself in the kitchen staring at the candle that is burning on the center island and I say to Shawn “watch this”. One second later I dip my hair down into the candle to see what would happen [because I am very unintelligent] and POOF a ball of fire right on my head. Our poor kitchen has never smelled so bad in its life. I ran over to the sink, turned on the water and stuck my head under it. Little black balls of burned up hair started falling off and I just kept yelling “WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!?!” while Shawn is also yelling “WHY DID YOU DO THAT??!?!?” Long story short, boredom makes people idiots faster than drugs. Not suggesting you should turn to drugs but you know, choose your evils wisely.
Okay, well I feel like I’m starting to overextend my welcome. I can’t think of anything earth shattering to share other than the fact that I have two doughnuts sitting next to me that keep saying silly things like “you know you want me” “lick me” “do what you want, do what you want with my body” and “eat more or I’ll eat you”. It’s weird, I know. TARGET HERE I COME.
ps. Happy Cinco De Mayo – may your day be filled with even more instagram pictures of chips and salsa than it normally is. It’s about to be a great day, I can envision my feed now and I’m loving what I’m seeing already.
