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Awkward & Awesome

January 30, 2016


Erin Schrader

I’m a little late to the ballgame this week on the awkward and awesome Thursday home front, but I realized that if I dropped the “Thursday” I’m not really late at all. Because I’ve got some classic awkward moments happening up in here, it’s time to get down to business.


1. So this week I had a dentist appointment which was as awful as it sounds. Imagine the setting for a moment if you will – here I am, dressed in a cute little blazer, leopard print heels and drenched wet hair. Why the wet hair you ask? Well, I had a hair appointment right before my dentist appointment and we didn’t have time to blow dry it. This is not only great because I happen to look strikingly beautiful with stringy wet hair but also because it meant that all of those tiny shards of hair that you get after a haircut were leaving their mark ALL over the dentist’s chair and my clothes. The good news is, this isn’t the bad part of the appointment. The fun really started when it was time to bite down on a piece of plastic for x-rays. I have this thing where I gag a lot when things are in my mouth, basically I’m every man’s dream. I couldn’t help but spit that thing out with full force every time she stuck it into my mouth. A few failed attempts later the dental hygienist told me to put my legs in the air [I was still in the chair laying down]. So there we were, legs up in the air – plastic in my mouth, fail. She eventually called in reinforcement to another hygienist to POUR SALT IN MY MOUTH to help with the gagging. Yes, you read that correct. Wet hair, legs in the air, and two dental hygienists over me pouring a salt shaker into my mouth while trying to get a freaking x-ray of my teeth. Turns out it worked, who knew.

2. The night before Christmas Eve, my sister and I took my two nieces out to do random acts of kindness. Before getting started we ate dinner at Panera Bread and on the way out one of the littles was asking what we were going to do for the evening. I explained how we were going to do some nice things with our dollar bills for people who could benefit from it. She turns to a man sitting near us, points right at him and exclaims loudly “IT LOOKS LIKE HE NEEDS A DOLLAR, CAN I GIVE HIM ONE?!” And then I grabbed her hand and ran out of the restaurant before we got murdered. Next outings goal? How to not call people out for looking homeless.

3. This happened a few years ago but I feel like it has never been publicly talked about on my blog so here we go. It all started with a massage that was happening in California. Turns out I hadn’t indicated that I wanted a male or female masseuse so a male it was which was fine and normal, until he started massaging my bare butt crack. And end of story. 


1. Tonight Shawn and I are hosting our first ever euchre tournament at our house with 20 friends. It is my understanding that half of the population has no idea what Euchre is so for those of you idiots [I mean uneducated] it’s a card game that all of us Midwest folks play during the winter when it’s too cold to do anything else. What this really means is that I should be cooking and cleaning right now but, oops. Get to work husband.

2. Every time that I mention to Shawn that maybe I want a child, these are the pictures he shows me with a statement of “can’t. they’ll turn out like this.”

Still trying to figure out what the problem with that is.

3. I’ve been doing this really weird thing called reading. It’s true, this is not a joke. I recently finished We Were Liars, which OMG read because it’s good and sucks you in like no other, but am now starting on Elle Luna’s book “The Crossroads of Should and Must” which I am excited about as it deals with finding your passion and all that good stuff. Not that I need help finding it, #macandcheese, but whatever.

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