Speaking of water pictures – with every new snapshot that’s taken I’m realizing that this body isn’t what it once was. And I’m not trying to get all “waaaaaaah” or anything but I mean c’mon old age. It’s like one minute I’m inhaling mac and cheese like it’s my job and my pants stay buttoned and then the next minute I’m inhaling mac and cheese like it’s my job and I can’t get my leg inside of my pants at all. Even with working out it’s getting harder to get hard. And by that I mean my muscles. Weird sentence, sorry. Anybody have any tips on what has helped keep yourself looking and feeling great in your 30’s? I need all of the help apparently because I have yet to find a thinning edit feature on any of my photo editing apps and it’s real annoying. Thanks in advance.

Thankfully I helped my cause by eating 13 mini donuts at our county fair this weekend. Have you and two girlfriends ever headed to your local county fair wearing maxi dresses to ride rides at 10 pm on a Saturday night? Well we did. And I have never felt like I was trying to pick up middle school boys more in my life. I also had a panic attack on the Ferris wheel and didn’t think I could breathe so that was awesome. Thankfully those donuts helped remind me that I was breathing as I stuffed my face into them while trying to forget I was dangling in a little cart way above the fairgrounds. Like why Ferris wheel, why? You’re existence is cruel.

At least you make for pretty photos.

Okay, I think that sums up everything I needed to say. Remember, skinny tips. Ready, set, go. If you even say “stop eating mac and cheese alongside 13 donuts” I don’t even want to hear it. I’m looking for real tips here people, not non-sense. Thank you.