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It’s A Ruff Life.

September 5, 2012


Erin Schrader

Hi humans!!!
My name is Maggie.
Others call me Erin’s barking cat.
Those “others” are no longer alive.
Anyhow, I figured I would take over mommy’s blog today.
She is too busy yelling at herself for almost burning down the house by baking a frozen pizza.
She thinks she is domesticated but then she goes and does things like burning the house down by a frozen pizza. I would understand if it was homemade doggie treats in the oven but no, just a pizza.
it’s not sun. it’s smoke.
Thanks to her I keep coughing and my mom keeps saying “Maggie calm down and breathe!”
You calm down and breathe woman. I’m not the one who can’t properly cook a pizza.
Back to me though.
Some of you may not know me.
For some reason my mom likes to keep me a secret.
Now if my name was “Wine” I’d be famous, but nope, I’m just the dog.
What my mom doesn’t understand is that I keep the pounds off due to my hyper running all over the living room antics, but wine? All that does is put her to sleep. And make her hips wider.
Don’t tell her I said that though please.
You know what I am sick of?
Being used for all of her self portraits.
Yeah right she wants a picture with me–she just wants to show off her good hair day.
Apparently on this particular day she thought her legs looked good.
I’ve had enough.
Next time my mom grabs me for the millionth and ten sweet mother daughter picture, I’m whipping out my tongue. We’ll see how many more pictures I get roped into after that funky business.
On the bright side I am the reason why my mom and dad don’t have any babies.
All I have to do is beg for food like so…..
And my mom gives it to me.
My daddy then gets all huffy and puffy at her and says things like “THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE DON’T HAVE CHILDREN…YOU CAN’T EVEN SAY NO TO THE FREAKIN DOG!!!”
Mommy and I then make winks at each other.
You think my momma wants to push a cantaloupe out of a lemon?
Heck to the no.
You’re welcome mommy.
Now give me more food.
lets be real though–who could say no to this face?
I should also note that I am looking for a sugar daddy.
The only companion I have is my cousin Ellie.
My mom told me that I am not allowed to hump cousins. Or females.
I’d like to take my daddy away from my mom and see what she would start humping.
Oh shoot. My mom just told me I wasn’t allowed to say that.
She is starting to sound like my dad.
Speaking of my daddy, I am off to go get my belly rubbed.
This blogging shaz is stressful.
No wonder my mom drinks.
Peace out adults.
These paws are off to get into some trouble.
Or at least into some peanut butter.


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