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Dear Giuliana {and baby to be},

April 24, 2012


Erin Schrader

I figured the least creepy thing I could do to congratulate you on this amazeballs baby news is to write an entire blog post dedicated to you and you only.
It only seemed logical.

I guess I should start by saying congratulations.
I may or may not have done the running man dance in my bedroom {pant less} for a solid five minutes exclaiming “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!” to my husband.
This may or may not have resulted in a divorce.
Either way, I am freakin’ excited for you and that little nugget.

There is also a good chance I tweeted something about how I am becoming an aunt again.


On that same token, while I think it is great you had a surrogate mother, I am a little offended you did not choose me to carry the child. I mean sure, I am planning on adopting our own children, but shoot–you knew I would’ve gladly carried that little bambino in my belly.
I wouldn’t have even had a sip of pop.
Only wine.
You are from Italy and know darn well a girl needs her wine every now and again.
Don’t judge.
Plus wine makes everybody happy. You don’t want that little bundle of joy coming out grumpy do you?
On that same note, I recently read on your site, FabFitFun, that organic wine is all the rage these days.
And I know you want that baby as organic as possible.
{No, you will not be receiving a bill in the mail for that mention to FabFitFun. Just a shameless plug.
You can thank me later..}

Anyhow-you and I both know we have a lot ahead of us with this baby to be.
Obviously, we need to go shopping.
Now..as you may not know yet, I am not allowed to shop for sixty days.
However, gifts are acceptable to purchase.
This would really work to my favor if that baby of yours is planning on coming out a girl/5’4/and around 110 pounds give or take. I also hope you are down with your baby being dressed in clothing from Forever 21.
Not that I plan on keeping all of these “gifts” for myself, but just hypothetically speaking.

Aside from all of the massive shopping trips we will be partaking in, we obviously will need to have a baby shower or two.
Or ten depending on how showered you want to get with it.
I have started the planning already so you do not need to fret.
I know you are used to glamorous things so I will make no exception.
I’m thinking mac and cheese, laffy taffy, and carbonated water for the menu.
Dress code?
Snuggie formal.

Only the best for you G.

Now listen.
I know you have a lot on your plate right now and it can be a little hard juggling your career/marriage/momma hood/and being best friends with me, but just take it easy.

You know what they say. Enjoy your sleep now because it’s going to be gone here soon.

Which is why you should hire me to be your nanny.
Shoot. Was that too much?

Regardless, congratulations times a million. I am so excited for you and hot pants Bill.
I just made that name up for him last night.
He told me he didn’t mind.
I would never make dirty jokes about your husband.
Live on a blog post that is.

Can’t wait to meet this little baby live and in person. And by live and in person, I mean in the delivery room with you and Bill. Hey, I’m down with it as long as your baby momma is down.
You can get back to me on that though. We have a few months. And several showers to get through.

Love you girl.

PS. Loved the outfit choice for the big baby reveal.

You are one hot mother. No pun intended.

PPS. I really hope you {yes you G} actually read this. If not, I am going to look like the biggest creep alive.
Oh wait.


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