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Three Reasons Why I Don’t Have Children

January 26, 2012


Erin Schrader

Whats up little bits.
I was going to write some awesome post for today.
And then I remembered I already did so over here.
Yes, this means you have to go over there to read it.
And then that means you must stay awhile on her blog because it’s one of my favs.
You will get to learn about how I would convince Bill Gates that my blog is worthy of  receiving “mega cash” and other equally important items.

Speaking of important—I babysat the other night and learned a few lessons.

1.    It is not wise to give a one year old a plate full of rice and no serving utensils.

Without a bib on.
That stuff sticks to places you didn’t even know existed.
2.    If you find the three year old in the bathroom with her arm in the toilet,
don’t freak out.
That’s what hand soap was created for.
3.    Just so happens that diapers made for one year olds are not intended for three year olds.
When the three year old starts complaining that the diaper is hurting them and you see massive red marks on their sides, take it off.
And then let the 3 yr old run around completely naked with just a tutu covering their privates.
 It will make for a happier child.

….And this my friends is why I don’t have children.

They’d be rice infested/toilet drinking/naked maniacs.

I’m doomed.

At least I have the whole “human jungle gym” thing down.
That’s gotta be good for somethin’.

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