Well hello there.
Guess who is back, ready and armed with millions of awkward & awesome moments?
If you guessed somebody other than myself, you would be what they call wrong.
That one week sabbatical worked wonders.
Wanna see the wonders I am talking about?
Read on readettes.
{That would be taken after “play on playettes”}
One must listen to ghetto music to understand.
Awkward
1. So you recall my post on Monday correct? The whole part about my husband giving birth?
Amazing I know. But that whole baby he gave birth to-Mr. Harley, caused quite the ruckus among girls who I mentioned we were getting a Harley to.
I had several tell me with much excitement “Ooohh..you will love the feel of the rumble.”
Or something similar such as
“You will just love how it vibrates..”
Hmmm..I could sit here and elaborate on why this is awkward on many levels, but I won’t.
I’ll trust you are smart enough to figure it out ya little braniacs.
2. This has now been deleted. I lost the battle :/
{Scroll to the very bottom to understand}
Don’t worry kids, I put up a good fight to the finish which even included a conference call with my parents to ask the “appropriate-ness level”.
My mom was totally on my side which up’d her coolness level to the highest degree.
Too bad for my father and husband, theirs is now at rock bottom.
Darn it.
3. While we are on the subject of my husband, I might as well mention how the other week he was making a purchase from a store, and the sales clerk when handing back the money responds with “Would you like all 1’s?” proceeded by a glance my way.
After glancing, said store clerk says
“Of course you do…” and hands him more 1 dollar bills than I can count on my hands.
a) Store clerk believed husband was hanging out with a woman who he met at a place where all 1’s are necessary.
b) After looking at the woman husband is hanging out with, store clerk took pity on husband and believed he needed some excitement in his life.
We are going to go with neither a or b on this one and choose c-store clerk is a pervert.
4. So the other evening I was on a nice little walk with my pup, Ipod inserted in ears
{just to clarify, headphones attached to my Ipod in ears}, and minding my own.
Suddenly I see a group of younger guys hanging out in a garage who happen to wave. Me being the sweetheart I am, wave back and mid-wave realize “Oh my goodness…I totally went to high school with him” Naturally, I walk up to the garage while shouting “Hold on guys, I can’t hear you..let me turn my music off…” And then proceed to act excited and exclaim “How are you doing?!” About the time I go to the you in that sentence, I realize I have no freakin’ clue who I am talking to. After my face turned 7 shades redder,
I explain I thought he was somebody else.
Young boy responds with “Well you can still come talk to me..”
I let out a nice “Ummm no, it’s okay…”
and walked away shaking my head in disbelief in the amount of idiocy stored in my body.
Awesome
1. I have eaten like three of these, three nights in a row.
Can we say health nut?
I won’t tell you that before the salad I consumed half a bag of chips, and then after devouring each piece of green leaf lettuce, I managed to eat about 2 pounds of mashed potatoes.
Woopsie.
2.
Oh that?
Yeah, that would be my niece holding a fresh piece of dog poop she found in our yard.
It might be inappropriate that I made her continue to hold it so that I could get a picture.
I’m not gonna worry about that and laugh at the hilariousness of it all.
I’d consider doing the same if I were you.
3. Skies that look so good you actually want to eat them.
I’m not kidding.
I got a huge craving for cotton candy when looking at them.
Funny thing is, I don’t even like cotton candy.
Talk about a powerful marketing piece…
4. The fact that I am done writing this sucker and the night is still young.
Party on party people.
Which translates to: Time to make a nice little bowl of mac & cheese and lay on the couch.
I know, I need to tame it down a bit.
You got some A&A to share?
Then do it.
Love you pretty kitties.
PS. My husband is about to proof-read this.
Guarantee it will turn into a huge debate about how number 1 and number 2 need to be deleted under the Awkward category.
Wish me luck…