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Awkward & Awesome Thursday

April 7, 2011


Erin Schrader

Some of you are new around these parts so let me fill you in on a little something here:
Every Thursday I document my awkward & awesome moments in my life.
You will notice two things-weird things happen to me quite frequently, and I tend to accidentally make these posts way too long. It’s a habit of mine I’ve been trying to kick but I can’t quite do it.
Hope you wore your reading pants today…
1. Running into a brother & sister that I have known for years and my brain decides to make me think they are dating, not related. The girl says “I would love to have a little puppy..” So naturally I turn to the brother and say “Sounds like you better get on that!” The minute I walked away I realized what I had just done. Sorry brother & sister if you are reading this for that incredibly awkward moment…I vow to never associate you as boyfriend and girlfriend again. Or tell you that you should buy each other puppies. Promise.
2. Couples who feel the need to sit directly next to each other at dinner when dining alone, rather than across from each other. Unless you are dining straight out of your partner’s ear, I don’t see how this is convenient in any way? What happened to looking into each other’s eyes being romantic? Is staring at the side of a nose the new thing now? Just don’t get it.
3. Yesterday I had a girl call in and tell me she has a check from the District of Columbia. I respond with “Oh okay, so it’s a foreign check?” she responds with “Well no, I mean it’s from Washington DC.” Word on the street District of Columbia is the same thing as DC, which is located in the US. Hmmm..who knew?
If you didn’t know before, you do now: Geography & I do not get along well. At all.
4. So I am at a local butcher shop two days ago getting ready to purchase some meat & cheese. (Side note: I could spend hours in a meat or cheese shop. There is something magical about them, especially the ones that you can sample cheese in. Oh my gosh, when I die bury me here please.) So I go to pay and in the midst of trying to find my debit card, I pull out a pair of lacy panties. Oops. Apparently the butcher shop doesn’t take those as a form of payment? And just in case you’re wondering why I had lacy panties in my purse-it is because one of my dear friends had just given them to me. Because that’s what you do with your friends-give each other panties. Duh. And no, not used ones. New pretty ones.
Just if you do receive them-remember to not pay with them.
5. Speaking of meat, I nonchalantly asked my male co-worker the other day how he likes his meat. Instead of answering my innocent little question, he got a mild shade of red, walked away, and said he wasn’t answering that. Silly boy. I meant how he likes it cooked, I just forgot to say that part-doy. A co-worker overhears and says “Erin..you always say the most awkward things!” Like I needed the reminder…If you don’t recall, I am a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.  IamnowprayingthatHRdoesnotreadmyblog.
6. The fact that I said “wet your whistle” in a post a couple of days ago. After husband explained to me that it could be taken a different way, my face got bright red, followed by a few “oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I feel like an idiot now..my relatives read this!” screams. Sorry whistle wetters. Hope your mind didn’t go there. Welp if didn’t before, it did now.
Now this is really awkward…

7. This little Daddy & Me book that my niece was wanting read to her the other night.
Why my sister and her husband allow this book to be in there house is beyond me.
Take a look at the pictures below and you’ll see what I mean.
Pretty sure the proper name would be Pedophiles & Me. Yup, that’s much more fitting.
1. Spanish Kissing. Like where you do one kiss on each side of the cheek. It’s so much more fun when you are both leaning in, guessing which cheek your partner is going in for the kill first. Even more awesome? Getting to demonstrate it with your high school boyfriend turned husband in front of your Spanish class..repeatedly. You could call us kissing pros. Boo yah.
2. April Fools Pranks. I warned you last Thursday I had something up my sleeve. Well the thing in my sleeve got caught and never came out. So husband had to give me a different thing to stick up there. And thankfully, this prank came out. Try taping the bottom of somebodies laser mouse-if you have as much success as I did, your IT Department will have to get involved, which will then have them laying on the ground checking every cord to figure out why this poor person’s computer is froze-Which will then be followed by tears streaming down your face from laughing so hard. Highly recommended.
3. My new vocab. Suddenly I’ve gotten in the habit of bursting out in what sounds like  children’s Japanese gibberish. Not sure where it’s coming from but I pretty much love it.
It’s a nice mix of doink..ding yong yo lung..and more doink. Although last night I did admit to Shawn I’m getting a wee bit nervous that I’m going to stop speaking English all together. Serious folks.
The Jap is flowing out of me at an exceedingly fast & constant pace.
4. Lunch dates. Especially ones that involve sitting across from my husband, me breathing in & out of my nose loudly in a fast pace trying to mimic my niece while saying “Who am I..who am I?”, all the while to find my husband is ignoring me batting his eyelashes at Britney Spears on TV (she was his first crush..the guy has got some serious taste in class acts), finished by both of us laughing so hard..exposing a giant piece of black whatever it is stuck in my tooth.
We’re normal, get over it.
5. Alas, The Relaxation Haven is now open in my backyard. Ahhhhhhhh….I can feel the fire, hear the water fountain, and taste the decaf coffee paired with key lime pie that is about to be enjoyed…
Yes, the picture is from last year. Our grass is not that ripe yet.

5. An idea I’ve had brewing in my head the last 48 hours, which you will be hearing about in the next 1-2 days. I have to wait until my fingers tame themselves down and allow me to type it all out. They are pretty giddy about the idea and they hope you will be to.
Come back please. I might need your help.
6. So I just got up to take a little break from all this crazy writing and low & behold this is what is staring me in the face when I look outside:
Beauty, Beauty, and more Beauty.
6. The amazing response I’ve received from Tuesday’s post. I am reminded daily how awesome you little readers are. Thank you for sharing your smiles with me. And if you haven’t read the post yet or entered the giveaway, click here. Seriously. Or Else.
There we have it.
Another Thursday under my belt.
Time to link up your AA posts.
And no, we’re not talking about alcoholics here.
But seriously, if you need some support-get a hold of me.
We’ll talk about it over a glass of wine 😉
Love you. Spanish Kiss. Doink.

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