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Life Lately

April 4, 2017

By:

Erin Schrader

It’s no secret that life around here recently hasn’t been the easiest. In fact, the past week of my life genuinely feels like one of the hardest I have ever endured. With the unexpected passing of our sweet little Maggie, my emotions have been absolutely insane and all over the place. While I will talk more about Maggie at a later date, I want to share just a brief summary of the feelings that I have been going through and the stress that my body is under. For somebody who already deals with anxiety, quitting two jobs and losing your dog in the same week is not a good combination. Much of the past few days I have felt paralyzed like I am walking around in a fog and physically sick. Every day I hope to wake up with a renewed, energized and excited spirit, but rather it’s been a defeated, tired with a lack of zest for anything, including food, which you know is a big deal for me. I want to stay very close to my couch at all times and my poor husband has to deal with a wife who hardly speaks and has little desire to get anything done.

I know that technically speaking it’s only been six days since her passing and that I need to have patience and offer grace to myself that I am not expected to be okay immediately. Losing Maggie was losing our child. Shawn and I have never been married without her as we bought her a few months prior to tying the knot, so adjusting to it being just the two of us is weird. Our house is the quietest that it’s ever been and now that I have no workplace that I need to be I am feeling insanely lonely. It’s just me at home. No little girl to share breakfast with, nobody to take on a walk, nobody to lay on my lap as I write this blog post, nobody to say a word too. I am not used to this and I don’t like it one ounce.

It will get better, I know it will. It has to. Day by day, lots of deep breaths and desperate prayers I know I will survive. Right now my biggest fear is that this big life shake-up will send me down a panic attack cycle and if there is anything that I hate more than panic attacks, it’s nothing. Trusting that Jesus has his hands all over the situation and this won’t happen. I also believe that once the sunshine and warmer temps arrive that will help to bring a renewed spirit (with the potential of a new puppy as well)!
I know that people are going through much, much harder things and I want to be sensitive to that, but phew – this has taken everything and more out of me. It’s no secret that dogs do take up a special place in our hearts and there are no better companions than a loyal and loving pet. They are crazy special little creatures and we are so lucky that we got to spend eleven great years with her.
Here’s to positive thoughts, busy minds and time, it all just takes time.
Thank you to all of you who have expressed your love and support, it means so much and I am so thankful for you. It’s amazing what the internet can do for you during hard times, so thank you. Your comments have not gone unnoticed!

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