1. A friend of mine was recently texting back and forth with her real estate agent discussing the home inspection that was about to take place on their new home. Apparently her agent is one of those who speaks their texts [bless those kind of people, my parents included] so she replied back referring to the inspector and my friend’s screen lit up with a text that said “He is good. He does suck dick too…”  Sitting next to my friend when she received said text, all I heard was an immediate fury of laughter combined with a loud “WHAT?!?!? YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!” It turns out what the agent meant to say was “He does septic too”. As in septic inspections. Not to be confused with what actually came out. Really it just sounds like this is a man of many, many talents.

2. We are currently dog sitting for my parent’s dog [which was once mine until the great furniture/dog swap happened] and while she is still alive and well, I often fret over the idea of her passing away while my parents would be on vacation and she is in our possession. How do you handle such a thing? Last night at dinner with my parents I asked the question of what we were to do if something did happen to her? As in, do I tell them or wait until they return home? My dad’s answer took me a little off guard “Stick her in the freezer.” Excuse me? “You have to Erin or else she’ll spoil.” So I’m assuming that’s a no? Don’t tell? Or is that a yes? Do tell. I’m so confused now. And really? A freezer? [you can see that conversation play out on snapchat // username: erinschrader].

3. The other week I was wearing a dress at work and while I was in the middle of a conversation with my boss I reached around to scratch my back when I realized I was doing exactly that – scratching my actual back. As in my dress had never been zipped up before leaving the house. I did what any normal human would do when talking to her boss and yelled out “oh my gosh! My dress is completely unzipped!” He turned into a puppy dog spinning in circles not knowing what to do and frantically ran away while pointing to another woman in my department and exclaimed “SHE CAN HELP!” So if you’re wondering how to make your boss feel uncomfortable show up to work only 50% dressed. Works like a charm.

4. How I looked in 2nd grade.

And to think I had a boyfriend at the time. Not passing judgement or anything but I’m thinking he may share the same talents as the home inspector if you catch my drift. Cute little boy I was.

1. This past week we had our new-ish poured patio completed thanks to the railing that went up! It’s like a legit outdoor space now that is just waiting for stuff and more stuff to fill it. Anybody have some suggestions of places to shop for cute outdoor rugs, plants and decor? We’ve got two areas to fill up [off to the side of this patio is another one] so help a sister out. Who’s ready for a cocktail?

2. This March marks one whole year that we have been turning to Hello Fresh for our weekly dinners.

Can I just say how incredible it has been to do ZERO meal planning or grocery shopping for dinners over the past year? Incredible. The best part of all? The step-by-step instructions have given my husband the confidence to try his hand at cooking meaning I can now sit on the couch watching reality TV while he cooks up a storm in the kitchen. Miracles do happen people, never stop believing or praying. If you too want to quit the hassle of dinner, enter the code 6MSFUD for $40 off your first box of three meals – sign up here! ps. this isn’t an ad, it’s just real love.

3. This weekend there is a 99.9% chance that I will be posing for a picture with Mr. Ben and Lauren Higgins. I’ve thought about making a drawing of them with me in the middle that they could hang up in their future master bedroom but can’t decide if that’s too much or not? Regardless, stay tuned to my Instagram account to see if my dreams really will come true.

What’s awkward and awesome in your world? I’m all for funny stories, do share.