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Awkward & Awesome Thursday

January 14, 2016

By:

Erin Schrader

that facial expression :: awkward // champagne :: awesome

It’s time to bring it back kids. If you have followed this blog for more than 3 years [bless you and I’m sorry] you may remember this whole awkward/awesome series I used to do on Thursdays. Turns out many of you must have liked it because when I put out my poll for what type of blog posts you would like to see more of in 2016, awkward and awesome took a close first against home decor and fashion on a dime. Today I’m here to appease the masses and whip out my first awkward and awesome post for the new year. I’m hoping I remember how to do this but I make no promises. Just know that while I haven’t been publicly documenting my awkward moments they continue to happen daily. Really secondly. That means every second in case you are confused. Okay, lets do this.

Awkward 

1. I made a small mention of this back in June when it happened, but my grandpa decided to get married this past summer. We were all minding our own mint eating/decaf coffee drinking business when my niece comes running inside from the playground yelling something to the extent of “I’VE GOT A SKID IN MY PANTS!” Fortunately I think most people in attendance were old enough to be convinced that she actually meant a skid loader got lodged up into her panties, but my sister and I rushed off to the bathroom with her to find a giant turd just hanging out in her pants. The best part of all? She let it out prior to going down the slide so you can imagine what the end result was. “I thought it was just a little skid but it was a giant skid!” were the words on repeat from that little girls mouth – we ended the wedding by throwing her little panties away in the trash to which she decided to announce to the gang “I’m just like Aunt Erin now!” while simultaneously shoving her head up my dress. Awesome.

not naming names but it was totally one of them

2. Speaking of going commando – being without anything underneath, wearing a dress and falling up the stairs in the children’s play section of an aquarium. Totally happened to me this Summer. Adults were around. Everything was on display. And cue the oops.

3. I recently ran into an old high school friend when buying Christmas gifts and he asked about a relative of mine to which I informed him that he died several years ago. Bummed out by the news we carried about our business and then I ran into the same friend the very next night at Target. In passing he shouts “HEY! I FOUND OUT THAT ___ IS STILL ALIVE! I SAW ONE OF HIS RELATIVES LAST NIGHT AND THEY SAID HE DIDN’T DIE!” Uhhhh, cue another oops. I didn’t really know what to say so I just yelled back “THAT’S GREAT NEWS, I GUESS CHEERS TO THAT!” Turns out I should probably get to know my relatives a little better.

4. Receiving an email from a brand that wants to partner on baby products because “we thought this would be great for expectant parents like yourself…” You realize what this means right? Even pregnancy results are electronic these days, no pee stick test necessary. That’s right. The internet gets a hold of your uterus and knows when you are with child. Freaked me the heck out too. I can’t wait to break the news to my husband. Crap. Knocked up, alone and 29. I can see it all happening now.

5. Almost falling. I’m convinced it’s worse than actually hitting the pavement. The freakishly fast reflexes/super tense everything/open mouth gasps/sweat pouring off the forehead things it does to your body – you’d be much better just landing on all fours and calling it a day. Even more awkward – watching somebody almost fall. I think it’s the erupt of laughter that I let out immediately proceeding the almost fall that makes it so awkward. Sorry I’m heartless but that thing you just did with your eyeballs was insane.

Awesome

1. I’m headed out to the great [slash freezing as balls] state of Utah – Salt Lake City to be exact, to chill with all of the beautiful, creative, well dressed, I wish they would just have a cocktail with me Mormons at Alt Summit next week. If you ever think you are pretty, go hang out with a Mormon. Same is true if you thought you were nice. Or if you thought you knew how to dress. Or if you thought you ate well. Or if you thought you knew how to dance. Or if you thought you knew how to make pretty things. Basically they rule the world and I love them. I just wish I was them. Besides the drinking thing, home girl has got to have her wine. Regardless, I’m so pumped to join forces with Alissa and sit through some of the most amazing speakers and classes. Sarah Michelle Gellar is the keynote speaker so I’m hoping to slay her with some of my charm. That was a Buffy pun. Drop a note in the comments below if you’re going to be there, I’d love to squeeze your face off or at least give you an awkward side hug.

2. Shoes shoes and more shoes. Especially black ones.

I have been on a giant shoe kick lately which typically isn’t my thing. I think it’s all of these online sales that are getting me sucked in like no other right now. They say that variety is the spice of life and well, I’m just trying to get a little more spicy. Because I needed more, I just ordered these, these and these. Third time to cue the oops in today’s post. More shoeboxes, here I come [seriously, I love those babies]. 
3. This weekend I’ll be joining my mom, sister, and my two little nieces for a fun filled day in Chicago. We are going to see The Lion King on Broadway and I couldn’t be more excited. Well I mean I could be if say Liam Hemsworth was joining us, but you know. Fingers crossed we don’t have any run run-ins with skids in the pants.

4. In approximately one hour I’ll be billionaire. Make it rain baby, make it rain.

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