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Awkward & Awesome Thursday: Vacation Edition

April 28, 2011


Erin Schrader

There is one thing I learned about vacations:
They offer a vast array of awkward & awesome moments.
Thankfully, I think this now means that I need to travel at least once a month to ensure I have supple material for my blog.
{Resort & Hotel managers, take note: I will come stay for free if you need me to..just sayin}
I have a lot, and I mean a lot to write about.
To keep your boredom at a minimum and your eyeballs healthy, I’m going to break this up into two days.
Lets stick with the Awkward stuff for today k?
Good, glad we could agree on that…
1. Men lying in their woman’s lap/”region” while laying out {or vice versa, thankfully we saw both ways}. I’m just wondering what kind of tan lines this creates??
I suppose I have always wanted the outline of my husbands body all over my stomach…
now I get it.
Unfortunately, Shawn thought it would be rude if I snapped a shot of the couples we saw in action {he has tact or something weird like that}.
Side note: I don’t recommend searching google images for this either, you may see a little more than a couple laying out, just fyi folks.
2. Wearing a bathing suit and then spotting a three year old in the same exact bikini.
It happened..and she looked much cuter too. Darn three year old with no stretch marks and cellulite. Who does she think she is flaunting her perfect little body anyways?

3. Number 7. Really? Common sense should tell you that if you have swamp water coming out of your booty, you might not want to risk swimming & leaving a brown stream behind you. I’m guessing that would be a wee bit more embarrassing than the water changing a light shade of green because of the little tinkle you let out.  

4. Stopping to admire a boogie boarder do their thing, and then that “thing” happens to be face planting onto the ocean floor. Just walk away…that’s the only thing I knew to do.
5. Strolling on the beach behind two girls who start smelling each others armpits. Perhaps the only reason I find this awkward is because I would do the same thing and not think a thing about it. One drawback of traveling with your husband: He won’t smell them for you. Silly men.

6. The first night I decided to have Room Service deliver a slice of key lime pie.
Stellar idea I know.
However, I failed to have any undergarments on under my skin tight tank. So, conveniently when the gentleman came to deliver my slice of heaven, my husband was outside.
What do I do? Open the door while hiding behind it like a scared little duck and shouting “Hi..sorry, I uhhh, ummm..SHAWN CAN YOU COME GET THIS??!!” That poor room service guy turned completely around facing the opposite way of our room until Shawn got to the door. Shawn tried to tell him “Its okay, she isn’t in that bad of shape..” as I proceed to blurt out “I just don’t have a….” and he left.
Worse yet, I was stuck in an elevator with him the very next day.
I failed to bring up the night before. I’d rather leave him with every obscene thought he had drumming up in his head as to why I couldn’t come face to face with him the night before.

7. So, one night we are sitting at Landshark Landing {one of the coolest places in the world} and we strike up a conversation with a gentleman sitting near me. After talking for a good 45 minutes, it was time for us to hit the hay (It was 9 pm..waaaay past our bedtime ya heard?) As we are saying our goodbyes, he shakes my hand and says “Shawn, great meeting you..” Awesome. I was just mistaken for my husband. 
Wanna meet the culprit?

Little fact about Doug: He lives in a pink house. Coincidence?

8. You know that whole non-sense rule about no electronics can be turned on while your flight is departing? Welp, sorry but I refuse to listen to that rule {It helps with the anxiety people, calm down.} So, there I sat with my Ipod playing and reading my nook while the plane is headed 3,000 feet in the air. The young girl beside me sat and stared the entire time with a look on her face that spelled “this plane is going to blow up any second because of your stupid electronics.” Sorry petrified pup. Thank you for making me feel like the rebel who doesn’t know how to listen and follow instructions.

9. Witnessing the below (thankfully hubs let me capture a few awkward moments):

Great look you two. You pull it off so well.

10. Having hair so windblown/greasy/ratty that it is capable of making a nest for my sunglasses. Yes, those are my sunglasses stuck in my hair. As in, I needed help getting them out of that hot mess.
Gosh, I’m cute with no make-up.
That must’ve been what Shawn meant when he told me I looked like one of his beloved angry birds after taking this picture. Modeling agencies, I’m booked..sow sow.
11. The below experience:
Sitting at dinner in the airport: Me “I wonder if there are idiots who spend too long at restaurants in here and miss their flight? Shawn “Oh..I am sure there are.”
Exit to walk to our gate, I stop at a random screen that shows all flights and notice that our flight is scheduled to leave the ground at 7 pm (look at watch, 6:50 pm)
Both us take off in a mad sprint with 30 pounds draped around each of our shoulders for what seemed to be over a mile.
Out of breath, we make it to the gate as I proceed to somehow get out of my mouth
 “Is it too late for us to board that plane??!”
Delta woman points to the screen: It is delayed for at least another hour.
Laugh it up all you “on-time” bystanders.
When is the last time you ran a mile with 30 pounds on each of your shoulders? Suckers 🙂

Come back tomorrow for the awesomes pleeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.
Mmmm Hmmm….I just begged you to.
Am I lame or really just that lame?
Don’t answer that.

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