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Awkward & Awesome Thursday: Volume 8

March 31, 2011


Erin Schrader

Hate to break it to ya, but my funny bones are gone today.
I think they got ate up by my allergy attack. Instead of laughing, I am sneezing. It’s pretty awesome.
I’m going to do my best attempt at making you little kitties laugh, but I make no promises. All I can promise is that I have Kleenex hanging out of my nose while writing this. In fact, hubs does too. I tried to convince him we should take a picture of this beautiful sight and use it for our Christmas cards but he wasn’t diggin the idea. Anyhooo…We’re keepin it short and sweet today. At least we’re gonna try….
Here goes nothin.
1. Peeing your pants. Especially awkward when you are standing in line at a mall it suddenly comes gushing down your leg. Or when you are in your mom’s car, one street away from your home and the flood gates open. If you have to pick one, go with the mall. You get to buy new jeans and panties that way. And you won’t have a mad mother. Not speaking from experience or anything. Note to reader: If I’m ever behind you in a bathroom line and I say I have to pee followed by a few squirmy moves, believe me. I don’t kid around about such serious issues.
2. The fact that I wore this shoe & sock combo to work this week and didn’t give two thoughts to it:
Why I thought this would be acceptable that morning I have no idea? Needless to say, I tried to hide my feet the rest of the day but was pretty unsuccessful in doing so. I would say this is the last time I get asked for fashion advice, but I would have to have a first time to make that true.

3. I’ve had major issues lately while talking on the phone (which happens to be my job). Instead of writing these all in separate entries we are going to group them all together for one big  “Erin shouldn’t be in the line of work she is in” realization post. First off, I’ve been clicking my voicemail button mid-conversation, sending them directly to “Hello, you’ve reached the desk of Erin…” mid-sentence. I’d love to see their eyebrows raise when they get hit with that shocker.  Oops. Secondly, with this cold, my brain thinks it is much more appropriate to end a call with a sneeze instead of a goodbye. Why end with words when you can blow snot at them thru the phone? Third, I had this convo: Me “And can I have your account number?” Them: “Let me get it, one second.” Me: “Okay, one second.” Wrong. There was no need to just repeat what they said back to them. Pretty sure it caught them as off guard as it did I. Lastly, I had a member ask for a female..I respond with “Okay let me see if he is available..umm, I mean she.” Sure enough I follow it right up with “They aren’t available..would you like his voicemail?”

4. At the wedding I told you about a few posts back, they had cupcakes which had blue frosting. NBD right? Wrong. Everybody who ate them had the bluest of teeth, tongue, and lips I’ve ever seen. Pair this with a girl who ate one, did not realize the side effects, and posed for a picture smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen somebody smile (and managed to have frosting left on both sides of her mouth) and you have what would be one of the more awkward moments of this girls life. Our table witnessed it going down, and had tears rolling down our faces. Poor thing, and now she ends up in this awkward post.
Sorry blue toothed bandit, but it was funnnnny.

Think this-only not on a hairy male.

5. How my eyes squint to the point they are closed when talking to somebody face to face, thanks to my allergies. I could inform them why my eyes are now closed when talking, but nah, I guess I like to keep them guessing.
1. Booths big enough to spread out on at restaurants. There is nothing more relaxing than taking in a gourmet meal while leaning back against the wall and having my feet & legs propped up next to me. I hope you know what I’m talking about here. This behavior is acceptable for females I’ve decided, but not acceptable for professional business men dining with other business men. Especially when male sitting with legs straight out on the booth have dress socks pulled up mid calf.
2. So I went to take a picture with my niece Claire this weekend because well, that’s what I do. And what does she do? As soon as she sees the flash start, she turns instantly and licks my face. I am so proud that she is taking after me more and more every day. Ya see, I had a mild obsession in 3rd grade with licking everybody I came in contact with. Claire, you’re headed in the right direction baby girl.

3. Banana time with Maggs. Every morning I get to yell “ITS BANANA TIME” and my pup comes rushing to my side, pouncing up and down, and waiting for her little bites of banana to be dropped on the floor for her. It makes me feel like a mother bird feeding her babes. Total success since that’s a feeling I’ve always longed for. Shawn thinks this whole ordeal is weird, but I think he is just trying to cover up his jealousy that he isn’t a father bird. Bet ya anything he just rolled his eyes reading this. Jealousy does that to ya.
4. Thrift shopping. I’ve never really done it until this past Tuesday when my mom asked me to go with her to a local store that sells new, old, and used items. I walked away spending $64 and got all of the below. Only sketchy moment was when the woman ringing me up who happened to have a heart tattoo on her trachea answered her cell phone with “Bail Bonds”. Hmmm? Guess that’s the price you pay for cheap items. Anyhow, I just might have to try this again
5. Being in my pajamas & on the couch by 5:30 pm last evening.
6. In midst of my lazy spell I got to thinkin about this 5k that is being held tomorrow night in my part of town. So then I thought-I wonder if I can run a 5k? So I did. 3.5 miles later, I was acting as if I was breaking thru the finish lines. Hands in the air, cheering, the whole bit. Snot faced and all. So this leaves me questioning if I should run tomorrow? TBD. Guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out.
7. April Fools Day. It’s tomorrow in case you forgot. I hope you have big things planned, I know I do. Too bad I can’t tell you. That would take the fool out of the day and who wants that?
There ya have it folks. Time to link, link, link it up.
As in, link up your blog if you have some Awkward & Awesome moments today, k?
Happy Day Before Fools Day.
I totally just said that because it rhymes..
If using the same word counts as rhyming?
Peace out loves.

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